How does one go about re-defining their place in a family when someone dies? I’m struggling with figuring out my new role without my mom but am hoping that with intentional effort, I can find a comfortable, healthy way to be a part of my family in its new form.
It’s strange how we all do our own grieving and how it is so different for everyone. I recently had a visit with a friend whose parent also died, but nearly 10 years ago. Still dealing with grief and closure, I wondered how long it would take before I felt less raw about everything. Already I am able to go back to day-to-day life, but sometimes it hits me (and I’ve heard that never goes away).
We hope to place my mom’s ashes in the next year or so (weather permitting as she wants to be scattered on the side of a high mountain) and perhaps that will provide some closure as well. In the mean time, I hope to figure out how to find my place in our new family.
August 13, 2008 at 6:42 am
I’m sorry to hear about your mom. I’m not ready for that…
I find myself trying to make new forms in my extended family, not because of a death, but because I’m worried we’ll all slip away from each other as life gets more distant and complex. I’m afraid that many of them are stuck on who we are supposed to be, but most of us are just who we are. I’ve been trying that ‘intentional effort’ thing to create more lasting relationships and a new, decentralized family structure.
Nice to find you, good luck with your family.